“I feel like an old pirate ship being tossed around in the turbulent sea. I am exhausted from this troubled force that is working against me. I can either give up, letting the weight of it destroy me, or ask for help,” explained the deeply troubled and transparent client. This deep heartfelt truth opened the armor-clad door that had him in bondage, and thereby destroying his marriage. He was about to find out that he had a captive spirit in some strongly defined areas in his life.
The obvious fruit led to the beginning search to find the bitter roots that produced this bad fruit; well established roots from the first years of his life that continually held him a slave to unhealthy relationships. I found a rich history of shutting down and going inside himself, and there is where he decided it’s better to not speak up. That internal hiding place became a place of torment as he desperately tried to find answers. “I always did what anyone wanted, why did it work against me,” he groaned.
His wife, the other half of big picture, was the perfect partner to bring out these insecurities, and ultimately brought him to the place of desperation. She had expectations on him to “do, do, do” all the time. The perfect setup! He could easily grant her that because that was who he was. But he had no idea how to show love apart from that.
Growing up he was spoken at , and not spoken to . Dad spoke to him through his mother, and only vocalizing unkind things to constantly belittle him. Neither parent knew how to communicate with him, and probably with anyone. There was never anyone to listen to him, to teach him, nor model good communications skills. So at a very tender age he began to hang out in his quiet world where there was growing a bitter root expectation that love is being talked at.
In this dark place he vowed, “No one will ever have anything good to say about me, so I will shut everyone out.” And, a very straight-forward decision, “I won’t talk.” The fruit of those decisions came back to assault him in his marriage. But through the work of Holy Spirit these vows were exposed to the light. This was a revelation that startled him – the pure clarity of how they imprisoned him.
During one of our prayer times he saw a speed boat on the calm water going at high speed. “A speed boat has to have calm water,” he explained. God was showing him that he is that speedboat and not a pirate ship; a pirate ship is for war/battle, and his inward war and battles are ending. “God says the waters are calm, and it’s safe to go fast.”
Since he had the added ingredient of ADD, with the need for constant action, he found relief that (even so) he could still join Jesus on calm seas. Calm waters at high speed! With a smile he admitted, “I never could have described myself as a speedboat…not worthy of it.”
We worked on forgiveness issues, renouncing vows, and giving control to Jesus – who was gladly waiting to take it to the cross and bring freedom from captivity! With weeks of inner healing he was becoming proficient with communicating, receiving compliments, and realizing all he has to offer as a husband and friend – apart from those vows. He found he had a voice; he was being heard, and no longer had to perform to please, or to make love happen.
He was beginning to relax in his true identity (in Christ), and he found that his spirit was no longer captive in those areas. His wife was enjoying not living on a pirate ship, and realized that she needed to look at what vessel she uses to navigate.
A pirate ship is out to hijack; to rob, to kill and to destroy, and the author of such tactics, Satan, wants to keep us on board so that we remain on turbulent sea, oblivious that our spirit is being held captive. It takes the saving grace of Jesus who brings calm water so that we can experience full speed ahead.